


If you had to do this all over again

by jalpari



Series: • Yizhan Diaries • [11]
Category: Actor RPF, Chinese Actor RPF, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) RPF
Genre: BJYX | Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan is Real, Boys In Love, Boys' Love, Eventual Happy Ending, Groundhog Day, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Time Loop, Yizhan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:41:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26535265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jalpari/pseuds/jalpari
Summary: Prompt:Xiao Zhan goes to bed the day he rejects Yibo's confession telling himself that he's made a difficult decision for the good of them both. Then he has to make that decision all over again, and again, and again. (Or: Groundhog day AU).All my other Yizhan stories -Yizhan diariesYizhan AUsMy Twitter -@jalpari_yizhan,@yizhanmood
Relationships: Wang Yi Bo & Xiao Zhan, Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan
Series: • Yizhan Diaries • [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1611649
Comments: 24
Kudos: 287
Collections: BJYX Prompt Fest 2020, Books I Read





	If you had to do this all over again

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [bjyx_fest](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjyx_fest) collection. 



> Dear Anon prompter,
> 
> I haven't seen the movie but I loved the concept so much that I decided to give it a try! Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Sincerely,  
> Jalpari.

* * *

“I’m sorry.”

Xiao Zhan whispered as he watched Yibo leave. Even as Yibo’s hunched body left his apartment and disappeared into the elevator, Xiao Zhan remained stuck in the moment. He knew the moment would haunt him forever. The moment he rejected Yibo. 

_This is for the best._ He closed his eyes and chanted over and over again _._

When he opened his eyes, he was alone in his apartment. A nagging sensation lingered in Xiao Zhan’s heart but he firmly pushed it aside. 

_This is for the best._

When he got into bed that night, his hand reached for the phone and opened the chat with Yibo out of habit. 

_No. No contact for now._ He thought as he resisted the urge to check in with Yibo with every fiber of his being. _Maybe one day we can be friends again. But he needs time._

With those thoughts, Xiao Zhan closed the chat and put his phone aside with great difficulty. 

“Sorry, didi,” Xiao Zhan whispered as a single tear left his eye just as silently as Yibo had after his rejection. 

Just as sleep began enveloping Xiao Zhan’s aching body, a lone thought escaped his heart. 

_If you had to do this all over again, would you make the same choices?_

* * *

When Xiao Zhan opened his eyes, the morning seemed like any other. Life seemed to move on as if nothing had happened. But everything felt different inside. 

No good morning texts from Yibo, no easy banter to kickstart his day, no soft smiles on seeing the multiple memes and selfies sent by the brat. Instead, there was a heavy silence and a heavier emptiness. 

With a long sigh, Xiao Zhan got out of bed and freshened up. When he was out of the shower, his phone pinged and Xiao Zhan couldn’t deny the sudden racing in his heart. He was both thrilled and terrified when he saw the notification for a text from Yibo. 

> _Yibo: Zhan-ge! Are we still meeting today?_

Xiao Zhan knitted his eyebrows in confusion and reread the message.

“What is he talking about?” He muttered out loud. 

Xiao Zhan scrolled up to see their last conversation and did a double take when he didn't see any of the previous day’s messages. 

_That’s odd. We chatted a lot yesterday before-_

Xiao Zhan’s eyebrows shot up as his eyes caught the time on his phone.

_I have a flight to catch! Where is my driver and why hasn't my team called me yet!?_

He opened his calendar to confirm and frowned when the flight showed up for the next day. 

Xiao Zhan put his confusion with Yibo aside and dialled his manager. 

“Wei…something’s wrong with my calendar…aren’t we flying out today?” 

“No, laoban,” came the response. “That’s tomorrow. You have the day off today, remember?”

“The day off? That was yesterday!”

“No, laoban…you took the day off for today. We even rescheduled all your meetings.”

“That was yesterday when I wanted time off to meet-” Xiao Zhan paused and bit his lips. “Never mind, I’ll call you back.”

He ended the call and stared at his empty calendar and blinked. 

_It’s Thursday? But yesterday was Thursday._ Xiao Zhan sat down on his bed, utterly confused. _I met Yibo yesterday…on Thursday…we cleared our schedules to spend some time together and then…he confessed…and then I-_

“That happened, right!?” Xiao Zhan exclaimed to the empty room. “I didn't imagine all of it!?”

He went back to his chat with Yibo and decided to reply cautiously. 

> _  
> Xiao Zhan: Do you still want to?_
> 
> _Yibo: Of course! What kind of stupid question is that, ge!?_
> 
> _Xiao Zhan: What day is it today, Yibo?_
> 
> _Yibo: Thursday, why?_
> 
> _Yibo: You’re being weird, is everything okay?_
> 
> _Xiao Zhan: Nothing…it’s nothing_
> 
> _Xiao Zhan: I’ll see you soon_
> 
> _Yibo: Yes! It’s going to be a great day, ge._
> 
> _Yibo: I’ll be over in some!  
>  _

_It’s going to be a great day, ge. I’ll be over in some!_

Xiao Zhan sat back, now completely baffled. He was confident Yibo had said those exact words to him over text the previous day. 

“Either I was dreaming yesterday or I’m dreaming today! This doesn’t make sense!”

And it still didn't make any sense when, with a thundering heart, Xiao Zhan opened the door to let Yibo in. Yibo looked at him smiling and clasped hands and bumped shoulders as if nothing had happened. As if he hadn't confessed his feelings to Xiao Zhan the previous day. As if Xiao Zhan hadn't stomped all over his heart and rejected him. 

The rest of the morning passed by in a daze. Yibo seemed just like himself. In fact, Yibo was behaving exactly like himself from the previous day. Saying the same words, doing the same actions. And it bewildered Xiao Zhan to the point where he pinched himself in the middle of a conversation with Yibo just to make sure he was not asleep. 

“Ge?” Yibo blinked when Xiao Zhan hissed at the pinch. “Are you okay? You’re being weird.”

“I…I just had a sense of deja vu,” Xiao Zhan finally decided that he had just had a very realistic dream and that was that. 

“You mean like this has all happened before?”

“Yeah,” Xiao Zhan chuckled at himself when he heard it said out loud. “It’s ridiculous.”

With a long exhale and more chuckles, Xiao Zhan felt the silliness of the situation settle on him.

_There’s no way the day is repeating. I’m being so stupid. It was just a dream. None of that happened! Yibo is right here in front of me. Which he wouldn’t if I had really rejected him!_

“I guarantee you this day has not happened before,” Yibo laughed along although he looked nervous suddenly.

“I believe you,” Xiao Zhan finally began to relax and settled back against the couch in a slump. “My head’s just…maybe it was all a weird dream.”

“Sometimes I feel that way about our summer shooting A-Ling,” Yibo said softly and lay back on the couch beside Xiao Zhan, shoulder to shoulder.

“My tan and the multiple insect bites assured me that it was very real,” Xiao Zhan rolled his eyes.

“Ge,” Yibo’s voice became nearly inaudible.

And there it was again. The deja vu. Xiao Zhan felt goosebumps trail down his neck at the change of tone.

 _No. It can’t be._ His mind tried to shake the feeling off. 

“I…I wanted to talk about some-something,” Yibo stuttered.

And with those words, Yibo took in a deep inhale and turned to face Xiao Zhan. One look at him and Xiao Zhan knew. 

_This has happened before. We’ve been in this moment before._ His mind began racing. _Oh no. He’s going to confess again. But I…I can't break his heart all over again._

“I have feelings, Zhan-ge…feelings for you…romantic feelings…and I want more than just friendship with you,” Yibo bit his lips and waited. 

Xiao Zhan’s head was spinning. 

_No. This can't be happening. This isn't possible._

“Ge?” Yibo’s face ran through a multitude of expressions.

“No,” Xiao Zhan found himself speaking on autopilot.

It felt as if his soul had left his body and was hovering above them watching the scene unfold again like a movie. 

“No?” Yibo’s eyes turned watery.

“That-that’s not a good idea, Yibo,” Xiao Zhan spoke almost mechanically.

“Oh,” Yibo swallowed and Xiao Zhan could see him try to swallow the tears down as well. “I should…I should go,” Yibo stood up suddenly, just as he had the previous day. 

“Yibo…” Xiao Zhan stood up and began but was at a loss for words, again. 

“It’s nothing, ge…I’ll be fine…I need to go,” Yibo hurried away and grabbed his things. “Bye.” 

Xiao Zhan felt his entire body turn cold and numb as Yibo avoided looking at him and left. 

“I’m sorry.” Xiao Zhan whispered as he watched Yibo leave.

The rest of the day passed Xiao Zhan by, but he remained stuck in the moment. Nothing made sense. 

_Please._ He thought as he forced himself to fall asleep at midday. _Let this be a dream. Make it all stop._

* * *

When Xiao Zhan opened his eyes, the first thing he did was check the date.

“What the fuck?!?! How is it Thursday morning again??” He leapt off the bed in shock, tapping his phone and willing it to change the date on display. 

Just then, his phone pinged. 

> _Yibo: Zhan-ge! Are we still meeting today?_

“No! No! This can't be happening!? What do you want!??!” He screamed at his ceiling before sitting down on the bed with a huff. 

An hour later, with a deep scowl on his face, Xiao Zhan let Yibo into the apartment. 

“Wow! Control your happiness at seeing me after a whole month, Zhan-ge!” Yibo teased.

“Sorry, I…” Xiao Zhan ran a hand through his hair. “I just had a rough night’s sleep.” He sighed. 

“Oh, do you want to rest? It’s okay if you want me to leave, ge.”

Xiao Zhan’s eyes softened and a small smile appeared on his face. He was about to say no when a sudden thought struck him. 

“Actually,” he began sheepishly, “can we take a rain check? I’m sorry I shou-”

“It’s not a problem, ge!” Yibo placed his hand on Xiao Zhan’s shoulder and gave a squeeze. “You look like you need the rest. We can do this some other time,” he led Xiao Zhan into the bedroom as he spoke. “Now come on, get in bed and I’ll leave and maybe we can meet later today or don’t worry, we can do this another time too if not,” he carried on his rambling as he tucked Xiao Zhan in bed. 

Xiao Zhan felt a warmth spread across his chest but reined in his feelings. 

“Thank you, Yibo,” he muttered and settled in.

“No need for that, ge,” Yibo sat by the bed and replied softly. “Get some sleep. I’ll text you later.”

Xiao Zhan didn't miss the tinge of disappointment on the boy’s face before it was washed away and replaced by a merry smile.

“Zhan-ge needs his beauty sleep!” Yibo cackled and then stood up to leave.

Xiao Zhan watched as the boy closed the door gently behind him.

“I’m sorry.” Xiao Zhan whispered.

 _If only I could have said yes._ He thought as he forced his eyes shut. _But this is for the best._

* * *

“No! No! No!!” Xiao Zhan growled and buried his face in the bed. “Again!??”

This time, he decided to accept his fate. 

When Yibo arrived, he put on a smile and decided to make the most of the day together.

 _Maybe this is the universe’s way of giving me more time with Yibo before I have to let him go._ Xiao Zhan reasoned. _Maybe I should just make the most of it and when I’m ready to really let him go, this will end._

They spent the day together, rolling back to their easy banter and playfulness. Xiao Zhan let go and let himself enjoy each moment as it came until-

“Ge…I…I wanted to talk about some-something,” Yibo stuttered.

Xiao Zhan’s smile froze on his face.

“What-what about?” He gulped and asked. 

“I have feelings, Zhan-ge…” Yibo looked down and blurted abruptly. “...feelings for you…romantic feelings…and I want more than just friendship with you.”

_If I have to let him down, at least I can do it better than I did before._

Xiao Zhan placed a hand on Yibo’s cheek and tilted his face up to look at him. 

“Yibo…” he began with a soft smile, “that means so much to me,” he saw hope bloom on Yibo’s face. “You mean so much to me, but-”

“But?” Yibo’s face fell.

He placed his hand on Xiao Zhan’s and leaned into the touch, pressing his hand against his cheek.

“But what, ge? Don't you feel something too?”

 _I do._ Xiao Zhan thought.

“It’s not a good idea, Yibo.” Xiao Zhan muttered, helpless in the face of Yibo’s affections. “We…it can get too complicated.”

“Answer my question!” Yibo insisted and shuffled closer. “Do you feel something too?”

 _Is this better or worse than the previous conversations where he just left after I said no._ Xiao Zhan bit his lips and wondered. _Should I be honest with him?_

“Yibo,” Xiao Zhan spoke as calmly as he could, “try and understand, Bo-di-”

Before he could say anything more, a set of wet and warm lips came crashing into his. It only lasted a moment, but when Yibo pulled back he was breathless and Xiao Zhan was stunned and motionless. 

“Ge?” Yibo whispered pleadingly. “I need to know how you feel, not what you think.”

“Yibo,” Xiao Zhan swallowed the urge to leap forward and connect with his soft pouty lips again and spoke in a grave tone, “you shouldn’t have…”

“Oh,” Yibo muttered, his face morphing into one of horror. “I should…I should go,” he stood up suddenly.

“Yibo…” Xiao Zhan stood up as well. 

“It’s nothing, ge…I’ll be fine…I need to go,” Yibo hurried away and grabbed his things. “Bye.” 

With those hurried and embarrassed words, Yibo turned around and left. Xiao Zhan stood still, fingers hovering over his lips, where a faint sensation still lingered. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

_I can’t keep hurting him over and over again. I need to let you go, Yibo. I’m going to let you go. You deserve to be happy. You deserve someone who can give you their whole world and not just bits and pieces of it. You deserve to be loved the way you love - wholeheartedly and without fear._

Xiao Zhan went back to his bed and lay down quietly.

“I am letting you go, Wang Yibo,” he whispered solemnly. “I am letting all of you go. Be happy.”

* * *

When Xiao Zhan opened his eyes, he felt nothing. 

He didn't check his phone. He didn't need to. He just knew. 

_It didn't work. Nothing works. I’m cursed to live this moment forever. I’m cursed to hurt him forev- wait a minute._ Xiao Zhan sat up suddenly. _Will this end if I…don’t reject him? Is that what this is all about!??_

Xiao Zhan frowned and mulled the thought over.

_If I keep rejecting him, I will be stuck in this time loop forever. But if I don't reject him and the loop ends, then?_

Xiao Zhan couldn't deny the happiness that swarmed his heart at the thought of letting himself have Yibo, of letting himself have everything his heart desired, of letting himself accept all his feelings. 

“Worth a shot?” He chuckled to himself, suddenly feeling a hundred kilos lighter.

He leapt out of bed and freshened up, preparing himself for Yibo’s arrival. 

When Yibo finally came, he eyed Xiao Zhan suspiciously.

“You look very happy…” Yibo muttered as he entered the apartment cautiously.

“Why is that so weird? Of course I’m happy to see you!” Xiao Zhan laughed and ushered the hesitant boy in.

“No, but you seem _very_ happy…too happy…the last time I saw you this happy was on-”

“On the sets of A-Ling?” 

_When I last let myself be free and didn't hold back._

“Uhh…yeah,” Yibo narrowed his eyes. “What’s going on, ge?”

“Wow! Can’t a guy just be happy to see his friend!?” Xiao Zhan dragged Yibo to the living room by the arm. 

“Guess so,” Yibo bit his lips and Xiao Zhan noticed the tinge of disappointment.

“What happened?” Xiao Zhan cocked his head to one side and asked.

“Ge…”

_Oh._

It was happening earlier than he expected this time.

“Ge…I…I wanted to talk about some-something,” Yibo stuttered.

Xiao Zhan tried to suppress his smile.

“Yeah? What about?” He asked as casually as possible.

“About…uhh…about us…” Yibo seemed to flinch under his steady gaze.

“What about us, Bo-di?” Xiao Zhan smiled wide.

“I have…I have…I have to go actually…I feel really bad but I just remembered there’s this thing I need to do!” Yibo blurted and began rushing back towards the door.

“Wait what? Hold on! Where are you going? Don't you…don’t you have something to say to me!?” 

Xiao Zhan followed Yibo and caught him by the arm, completely taken aback.

“No-nothing, ge,” Yibo looked around nervously.

 _Did I scare him?_ Xiao Zhan looked at Yibo carefully. _Did he just lose his guts this time?!_ _Maybe this is for the best. Maybe this way, he won't get hurt and I can finally snap out of the loop._

Slowly, he left Yibo’s arm.

“Okay, no-no worries,” Xiao Zhan managed a small smile. “We can do this later some time if you really need to go.”

Yibo remained still for a few seconds as they held each other’s gaze.

“Yeah, sorry,” Yibo nodded slowly and then turned to take his leave. 

When the door shut, Xiao Zhan rested his forehead against it and let out a long breath. 

“This is for the best,” he whispered, surprised at the longing in his voice. “It must be the right option. It has to be.”

_This time, I didn't reject him. This time, I didn't make him leave. This time, he chose to leave. This time, he chose not to say anything. If it still doesn’t work, then that must mean there’s only one option._

With a sigh, Xiao Zhan dragged himself back to bed and forced himself to sleep. 

* * *

When Xiao Zhan opened his eyes next, he glanced towards his phone. As the birds chirped outside, he reached for the device that lay silent and still. Slowly, he unlocked it and opened the calendar. 

_Friday._

He blinked and looked again. 

_Friday._

He rubbed his eyes and sat up.

“Not Thursday?”

He looked again but it was as clear as the daylight around him. He was officially out of the time loop. 

_It worked!?!? Yibo not confessing worked? That way I didn't have to reject him! And I didn't stop his confession…he didn't confess! It worked!?_

The initial joy gave way to a sinking realization. 

“It worked. He didn't confess. And now I won't see him again for two months,” Xiao Zhan muttered as he looked at his flight details. 

_If you had to do this all over again, would you make the same choices?_ Xiao Zhan’s mind repeated a question it had asked him before the time loop had begun. 

“Guess I would have,” Xiao Zhan mumbled in a dead, dull voice and got out of bed to get ready for his flight. 

* * *

As Xiao Zhan sat in his car, he kept refreshing his chat with Yibo. There were no new messages since his abrupt departure the previous day and it was starting to gnaw at him. He kept seeing flashes of the day that had been on loop. 

He remembered the way Yibo looked right before he was going to confess. He remembered the way Yibo’s eyes shone with hope and affection. He remembered the way his lips trembled. He remembered how soft they had felt against his own. 

“Actually, wait,” Xiao Zhan sat up from his slouching position and announced all of a sudden. “Postpone my flight. I need to make a detour now. We need to stop by Yibo’s place.”

“Wha-what!?” His manager looked at him in shock. 

“Please,” Xiao Zhan caught both her hands and pleaded. “It’s very urgent.”

“But we can’t just-”

“ _Please!!_ I really need to-” 

Xiao Zhan nearly got down on one knee to beg when the manager got flustered and began nodding.

“Okay, okay…laoban, please!” She held him by the elbows and let out a huff. “We’ll book you on the next flight but we can’t miss anoth-”

“We won’t! I promise. I’ll get on the next flight no matter what!”

* * *

Xiao Zhan knocked on the door and waited. He knew Yibo didn't have a shoot until the afternoon so all he could do now was hope that Yibo wasn’t out somewhere else since his calls were going unanswered. 

After the fifth time knocking and the eighth time calling, he finally heard a sound on the other side of the door.

“One sec!”

Xiao Zhan braced himself and straightened his hair and clothes, readying himself to face Yibo. 

“Zhan-ge?”

“Where have you been?!” Xiao Zhan stormed inside. “I have been calling but it keeps going straight to voicemail!”

“Oh, my phone battery must be dead,” Yibo grinned sheepishly and suppressed a yawn. “Sorry, I was still in bed.”

“It’s almost 11!”

“Don't you have a flight to catch?” Yibo asked suddenly.

Xiao Zhan stopped in his tracks and turned around slowly. 

“I…uhh…postponed it to the next flight,” this time it was his turn to grin sheepishly. 

“Oh…why?” Yibo locked eyes with Xiao Zhan and suddenly looked alert and awake. 

“I needed to see you,” Xiao Zhan took a step closer. “Wanted to talk to you about something…”

“Me? Umm…what about, ge?” Yibo’s eyes widened and he looked at Xiao Zhan with a mixed expression that was hard to decipher.

Xiao Zhan took a deep breath and then closed the distance between them. He placed a hand on Yibo’s cheek and grazed the soft skin lightly with his thumb. Yibo flinched at first but didn't move away. 

“I have feelings, Bo-ge,” Xiao Zhan said with a smirk.

“Wha-what feelings?” Yibo gulped.

“Feelings for you…romantic feelings…and I want more than just friendship with you.”

Xiao Zhan breathed the last few words and waited. Yibo’s eyes had blown wide and he remained silent. 

“Ge…”

And there it was again. The look on Yibo’s face gave Xiao Zhan deja vu and this time he was ready. 

“I…I…have feelings for you too,” Yibo managed to speak with trembling lips. 

“I know, gouzaizai,” Xiao Zhan closed the remaining gap between them and rested his forehead against Yibo’s as he held his hand. “I know. And I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Yibo pressed closer and wrapped his arms around Xiao Zhan’s neck.

“Sorry that it took me so long to figure it out,” Xiao Zhan whispered before leaning and brushing his lips against Yibo’s cheek. 

“You eventually figured it out, though,” Yibo smiled happily even as his eyes welled up. “That’s all that matters.”

“Mn,” Xiao Zhan wiped his tears and then Yibo’s. “That’s all that matters.”


End file.
